Understanding Behaviour, Tantrums, and Meltdowns: The 3 Escalations of Emotions in Children
As parents and carers, it can be overwhelming when a child’s emotions spill over into big behaviours. It’s often hard to know – is this a behaviour, a tantrum, or a meltdown?
From an Occupational Therapy (OT) perspective, understanding the difference helps us respond in ways that support regulation, learning, and connection.
1. Behaviour
Definition:
Behaviours are actions that children use to communicate their wants, needs, or feelings. They may not yet have the words or skills to explain, so behaviour becomes their “voice.”
Examples:
Refusing to put on shoes
Throwing toys when frustrated
Running away when asked to tidy up
OT Insight:
Behaviour is communication. Instead of just seeing “naughty,” look for the why: is the child tired, hungry, seeking attention, or overwhelmed? Supporting the need behind the behaviour is more effective than just correcting it.
2. Tantrum
Definition:
A tantrum is an emotional outburst that usually has a goal. Children are upset because they didn’t get something they wanted, or because a limit has been set.
Examples:
Crying loudly because the parent said “no” to more screen time
Stomping feet in the supermarket when they can’t have lollies
Throwing themselves on the floor when told to share a toy
OT Insight:
Tantrums are a normal part of development. They are a way for children to test boundaries and practice emotional expression. With calm, consistent support, children learn that limits stay firm, but their feelings are still acknowledged.
3. Meltdown
Definition:
A meltdown is not a choice or a strategy – it is a full emotional overload. Unlike tantrums, meltdowns don’t have an “audience” or a goal. They happen when a child’s brain and body are overwhelmed and they lose the ability to self-regulate.
Examples:
Screaming, crying, or collapsing after too much noise or sensory input
Lashing out or running away when completely overstimulated
Long periods of sobbing that don’t stop even if the child is comforted or given what they originally wanted
OT Insight:
Meltdowns are about regulation, not defiance. The child is in distress and needs safety, calm, and recovery time. OT strategies often focus on sensory regulation, calming routines, and building emotional awareness to reduce the frequency and intensity of meltdowns.
Why It Matters
Knowing the difference helps parents and carers respond effectively:
Behaviour: Guide and teach.
Tantrum: Stay calm, hold boundaries, validate feelings.
Meltdown: Provide safety, reduce stimulation, and support regulation.
When we see what’s underneath the surface, we can move away from frustration and towards connection – helping children grow into resilient, self-regulated learners.